Last night, I had a dream. I was in a desert called Cyberland.
(Coincidentally, I was listening to the Cranberry’s “Dreams” as I typed those two sentences.)

Side comments aside, no – I didn’t have such a dream. For the unfamiliar, those were the first lines of Jonathan Larson’s “Over the Moon” – Idina Menzel’s signature piece from the musical “Rent”. It did, however, brought to mind the anger and frustration of the writer and his character at the negative effects of “industrialization”. I haven’t seen “An Inconvenient Truth” yet but the searing heat and shaky weather deems it unnecessary to sit through two hours or so of the Oscar-winning documentary. Mankind has obviously brought on its own destruction.

Here’s where I invite you to read between the lines as “Rent” and “An Inconvenient Truth” would seem like neither had anything to do with the succeeding story.

A few weeks ago, while taking a break at the office, I noticed a line of marching ants doing what ants do – back and forth in two files from the colony to wherever source of food they found. I was huffing and puffing a stick of sunshine – Winston Lights – and an evil thought entered my mind. Thought became action and countless ants in the line from the hole in the wall to a hole in the floor died from nth degree burns. Like all damage to nature, it’s not the decimation of innocent ants that was the tragedy – it was the effect. I noticed that more ants crept out of their colony in the wall and they seemed… well… confused. Another confused throng emerged from the floor carrying their burdens.

And elementary biology hit me – the ants maintain the files so they don’t get lost between the colony and the food source. Having massacred the in-betweeners, the colony ants have no way to the food source and the ants carrying the food can’t return to the colony. My heedless disregard for these simple creatures had cost them not lives but balance. Eventually, the wound I inflicted found a way to heal – without any help from me. The ants rebuilt the line by sending scouts and rejoining the separated factions.

What does it say when nature finds a way to rebuild what man has carelessly destroyed? Also, what does it say when nature can’t even bring itself to grieve for those fallen in man’s conquest? I know it seems silly but it was one of the thoughts that entered my mind as I watched the colony repair itself – the survivors didn’t even bother to check on those I slaughtered.

This morning, I was in a similar situation. A break. A line of ants. A stick of Marlboro Lights. “Similar” and not “the same” because these is a difference. In Larson’s words: There is a way out - A leap of faith.

Friday, August 10, 2007, 12:17pm

Afterwards, it was time to return to Fandom Cafe for the Battlestar Galactica Thon, Jon's birthday party and Ricky's tribute. I left in Jon's car with Tybalt, Paolo, Gigi, Mike, Igme, Emil and Lyndon. When we got to the cafe, Mika, Mara, Altariel, Francis, Martin, Beejay, Meann and Ron were there already. Lyndom made a nice artwork depicting Ricky wearing a Starfleet uniform and holding a Storm Trooper helmet with a saying right from the pages of Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. It's still at the cafe now and it represented Ricky's part in the NWA really well.


(Pic c/o AJ Apilis)

Sure, we had to say our final goodbyes to one of our own that day. Yet, the night dragged on with booze, food and music. It was a party. To think Jon had considered postponing his 40th bday party a few days earlier. Thankfully, he realized that Ricky wouldn't have wanted that to happen.

Soon, people started arriving. Everyone from Manila Memorial also returned to the cafe. One by one, Fandom Cafe was filling up as the night progressed. Those who were at the mass also came plus some people who weren't able to come to the hospital, the wake or the funeral. There were people who didn't know Ricky well but knew of him and was part of the group.

Fandom Cafe that night was filled not with sorrow or sadness or melancholy. It was filled with love. That night, tears were not shed - not because we were all cried out but because it wasn't a time to mourn Ricky's passing but to celebrate what he's passed on to us - great memories. If there were tears shed, it was for joy and not sorrow.

I think once again Jonathan Larson had it right when he wrote Love Heals. Rej arrived later in the night from a job that afternoon and she asked me how everything was and I simply said there's too much love in this room and she understood. On separate occasions, Jon and Paul gave a speech. It's a pity I didn't get to hear Paul's.

I can't write about New Worlds 4.5 or the Ricky Convention without mentioning every name I know of who was there at one point or another.

Well, there's me. Then there's Paolo. Gigi. Oneal. Rej. Ron. Nina. Reich. Meann. Victor. Dek. Miao. Mark. Mike. Carlo. Igme. Nelson. Beejay. Penny. Kasuy. Hector. Jon (he can be see most of the time behind the bar). Paul. Dante. Ian R. (apparently it was her first time at the cafe). Gabe (who brought a cute dog). Burt. AJ. Lynn. Sam. Ranulf. Karen Kunawicz. Tatcee (who brought a nice LOTR poster for the cafe). Ava. Karen Kristie. Ruth. Jovan. Aids. Macy (who had just arrived from Palawan). Marge. Rain. Mika. Mara. Altariel. Francis. Martin. Gerold. Emil. Joon (although I've seen him before, we were officially introduced only during the wake). Tybalt. Nabs. Lyndon. JP. My Makro booze run brothers, Alec and Carl (incidentally, both were also found behind the bar at one time or another). So many names - again, my hope is that I didn't forget anybody. I've never seen us assemble in this capacity before. Ricky would have been proud. It was indeed a celebration!

A welcome but surprising addition was Ricky's brother Robbie who arrived at the cafe to thunderous applause, cheers and laughter.

At some point in the night, a lightbulb flashed above my head. In the middle of a funny conversation with the Rosero brothers (about which topic, I can't recall), I asked the question: It's somebody's birthday and nobody's getting a lapdance? Shame!

A few minutes later, words were being passed around. A plan was in action. Paul approached Robbie and whispered something in his ear. I can't imagine what! In the middle of getting a drink from the bar, I heard the cheers and the laughters - it has either begun or I had missed it. Turning to the deafening sound, lo and behold! Jon was on the floor with who I can only imagine as Ron, Rain, Mark, Paul and Oneal on top of him (at this point, they're only a pile of bodies in my memory - the pics help sort it out though). But that's not all, entering from my stage left was Robbie and upon reaching the piled up bodies, he joined in effectively becoming the main topping and continuing Ricky's legacy of the Lap Dance of Death! I had my share of such and would not welcome another one although I fear that maybe out of my hands. I wanted to join but there just wasn't enough space! Hehe!

(Pic c/o Lynn Montejo)

Ah. That was a great night to cap a week that started with a bad news and continued with a terrible one. Thank God it ended with love. Again, Jonathan Larson had it right. If you're gonna measure your life, measure your life in love. Judging from the last few days and that wonderful night, Ricky's would have to have been a long one.

Now, at Fandom Cafe, the wall leading to the viewing room has been dedicated to Ricky. Soon, it will be filled with all sorts of photos taken by various people on different occasions. I'm proud to be a contributor to that collection.

Well, that about wraps it up. Here's to you, Ricky. I've only known you for about a year and it's a pity that I never got to know you better and vice-versa. I always thought there'd be time enough to do such mundane little things like idle chit chat about one another's experience and preferences. Ironically, it's your passing that bonded me closer to my new friends.

Thank you for teaching me this hard lesson.

To my new world of friends (the return of the pun), for the last time I offer you Jonathan Larson:

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss

No other road
No other way
No day but today

5/3/07 1:55 am

So, I have come to finish my recollections of events between Apr. 17 - 21. This is part one of the long journal entry I wrote about the events of Apr. 21.

What's interesting is that around the same time that I started hanging with the New Worlds people, I was able to see a film adaptation of a popular Broadway musical - Rent. As Dek, Rej, Jon and Alec can attest to, I'm a huge Rent-head. Yet, somehow when I was writing the entry, the words of Rent's lyricist, Jonathan Larson, kept popping in my head at the most appropriate instances.

So, without further ado, April 21...

5/2/07 11:49 pm

Well, about a week has passed and I have yet to close my saga about Ricky's passing. To quote Jonathan Larson, there's no day like today. So now, I end the story... a sad yet beautiful chapter of the history of the New Worlds Alliance for which I am glad to be part of.

Friday night after the wake, which by the way was also attended by Marge, there was talk about what to do next. It's obvious that most of us were in no hurry to take leave of one another. After all, the next day was a Saturday. The Via Astris people planned to go to Penny's place to fit the Starfleet dress white uniform to send Ricky off with the next day. I had heard about this plan the previous Wednesday when Pao asked me if I would be wearing one. I had thought then that it was for the upcoming convention - I didn't know it was a grand gesture on VA's part until we were all saying goodbye to each other after the second and last day of the wake.

So I ended up in Jon's car with Penny on the way to her place. Inside Penny's place, Kasuy and Penny's mom were stitching the golden ribbons on the white jackets which were apparently purchased that very day by Pao and Alec. Pao, Alec, Mike, Carlo, Ron, Nina, Mark and Dek would arrive a little bit later and we all checked which jackets fit us best - small was apparently too small for me and large was too large so medium I was. I was so excited to finally own a costume *ahem* a uniform. I thought ensign was the lowest rank among Starfleet officers and I was given a pip and a half for that. I would find out the next day that I was more of a warrant officer and I get a half pip.

After the fitting, we went home with our jackets and three instructions: have it ironed, sew the smoother part of the velcro on the jacket so it's more stable when the combadge is stuck on and be at Fandom Cafe by 10am. I woke up at 7am the next and immediately got ready - shined my shoes and had the uniform readied. It's weird. I had told my grandmother the previous day that I was going to a wake. Come Saturday morning, I had to tell her I'll be wearing a Star Trek outfit to the funeral.

At Fandom Cafe, Mike, Carlo and Sister Iris were there already when I arrived. Later, Mark, Lyndon, Tybalt, Dek, Igme and Miao arrived as well. Paolo and Gigi went down from their unit on the 30th floor. Jon, Penny and Kasuy brought the jackets that weren't taken home the previous night. After getting our uniforms on, we made our way back to Sanctuario. Emil also came but didn't get a uniform so he became our official photographer even until later.

At Sanctuario, the Starfleet officers met with a couple of Imperial Officers - Rej and Oneal. In civilian were Beejay, Paul, Hector, Ian R., Dante, Paul, Aids, JP, Mika, Mara, Francis, Altariel, Rain and the Karen's - Karen Kristie and Karen Kunawicz. Rej's brother, Victor, and their mom and their mom's boyfriend also came. Ron and Nina arrived sometime later and because Nina had a uniform, she joined the rest of us at the back. During the mass, the Starfleet officers remained standing at the back of the chapel. It must've been a really curious sight for Ricky's family but I bet we looked just like the real thing... except maybe for a few tears now and then - especially from me. I couldn't help myself - no matter how the priest says to be happy, I couldn't help but feel really sad. To my right was Aids and I can see him sobbing every now and then.

After the mass, it was time to bring Ricky to Manila Memorial Chapel. It broke my heart to see Ricky's brother, sister, son, daughter and girlfriend look over his coffin and see his face one last time. It was during this moment that Paolo signalled us outside to await Ricky's coffin for our send off - a salute. In two rows we assembled ourselves. Rej and Oneal joined our ranks. Emil was taking photos with my camera and Mike's. It felt so special to be in that line and say goodbye to a friend in the best possible way - in the company of friends who valued the same things he did and showed it.

Then coffin was carried out by the pallbearers to that funeral car (what's that called) and stood ready. As the coffin was being placed inside, Paolo gave the order. We raised our right hand up to our eyebrow and held it. When Pao gave the next signal, we lowered it and broke formation to finally comfort one another. Nina couldn't even bring herself to salute. It was hard to see her cry but I had to stay in character - I'm sure everyone else felt the same way.

At first, we thought that only the family were allowed to join Ricky at Manila Memorial and hold vigil as he's being cremated. However, we were informed that we were welcomed to come as well. So, I rode in Carlo's car with Tybalt, Mike, Igme, Miao and Dek - the same group I came to Sanctuario with. After two hours or so owing to the ridiculous traffic, we made it to Manila Memorial. When we got there, the Trekkies were still there along with Carl holding vigil.

Gigi told us the story of how they were waiting for Paul and company because they had a towel to be burnt along with Ricky.

Because I think they also encountered the same horrifying traffic conditions, they didn't get there in time to give him the towel. However, apparently any towel will do so they took Gigi's instead. It had something to do with the Hitch Hikers' Guide to the Galaxy. Also, Nina wanted to just include the Star Trek badge but Ricky's sister insisted that it be placed on his chest and so she did. Despite all this, I think it does Ricky proud to know that his family and friends understood his passion.

Carl became our photographer at that point on because somehow, Emil got himself a uniform also. We had a nice group photo with Rocky in the middle.

You'd think it'd be easier to write this stuff after all this time but the memory keeps coming and the tears keep flowing.

(Pic c/o Ginnie Faustino)